The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.
She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never.
A mother is something absolutely new.
–Rajneesh
“She looks like a monster from a horror movie,” declared my 10-year-old as he leaned towards the monitor for a better view. “You looked just like that,” I said to him. He stared at me for a moment and then said, “COOL!”
Sometimes I have these grandiose ideas of how certain life events are going to unfold. Introducing my four children to their little sister on an ultrasound monitor, for instance. In my mind’s cinematic eye, I pictured gentle sunlight and the sparkle of dust filtering through the ultrasound room, with four little faces intently watching with wonder and delight the first images of this new life on the screen. They would gasp quietly, amazed and awestruck, as emotional movie soundtrack music swelled and brought tears to the eyes of all onlookers.
Yep, that was GOING to be the way the ultrasound went.
In reality, my grand imaginative bubble was first burst by the elevator button; who was going to get to push the ‘up’ button? Obviously, amongst my ‘Lord of the Flies’ offspring, whomever reached the button first would push it. So, pushing (each other), shoving, arguing and mayhem ensued even before we made it through the hospital lobby.
Fortunately, the waiting room wasn’t a very long wait and we were all quickly ushered back to the ultrasound suite. Then, of course, came the jockeying for chairs, seating positions, viewing area, etc. The ‘Wait that was MY place…Mom, she stole my spot!…What does THIS button do?…Can I sit on your lap?” chaos that defines an outing with my children. I sighed, got everyone settled, and turned to look at the monitor.
It gets me every time: the realization that the eerie, ghostlike images on the screen are the bones and hair and face of my child. I catch my breath. The tears fall. I look around the room at the faces of the children who are no longer tethered to the inner mysteries of my body…and I still see the newborn beauty in all of them: My firstborn, almost 13, who still has the same baby mouth I memorized while nursing him (and wearily wondering if he would ever sleep through the night). My 10-year-old; whose eyes are still the color of a perfect Michigan blueberry, and who, just moments ago, made the ‘monster’ comment. My still downy-blond haired 8-year-old, who is not yet too old to sit on my lap and hug me like he did as a toddler. And the smooth broad canvas of my 6-year-old daughter’s forehead; the very spot that I inhaled and kissed and permanently etched into my mind’s eye as we rocked in her nursery so many years ago….
I looked back toward the screen filled with wonder and amazement and overwhelming love for this little person whom I was yet to meet.
My reverie on the blessing of this unknown child floating before me on the screen was broken by a voice asking, “Mom, when we leave, can I be the one to push the elevator button?”
Yes, my child…who was once the same undiscovered squirming ball of beauty as the child inside of me…you may.
What’s happening to baby this week?
*Baby now weighs almost six pounds. Baby’s weight gain slows down considerably this month, but will still gain around an ounce a day.
*Your cervix has begun to soften and thin out and your bones and ligaments have softened to make the passage for delivery easier on the baby.
*The placenta still provides the nutrients and oxygen the baby needs through the umbilical cord, which it the vital link between you and your baby.
What’s happening with ME this week?
*I am greatly relieved to see my active and strong baby in the ultrasound images.
*I learned that my placenta is at a grade 3 (mature stage) and my doctor ordered non-stress tests to monitor the baby.
*I am trying (unsuccessfully) not to worry about my grade 3 placenta.
Let’s hear from you!
How did you feel and what did you think the first time you saw your child on the ultrasound?