Oh Baby!

“Motherhood has a very humanizing effect. Everything gets reduced to essentials.” –Meryl Streep

I have been officially banned from most Internet use.

Oh, I can still check my e-mails, update my Facebook page, and find out the current weather in our area, but, according to my husband (and his accomplices at my OB/GYN office), I am disallowed from ‘looking up pregnancy related stuff.’

It’s because I am truly a ‘glass is half empty’ person. Never thought of myself as a doomsday-er, but this last week proves that I most certainly am.

After having my 36-week ultrasound, I was told by my nurse practitioner (whom I adore because she is soft-spoken, calming, thorough, and shares my love for Sedona, Arizona), that I have a ‘grade 3 placenta.’ Hmm. Does that mean that mine is at the top of its class? A spectacular specimen of a student? On the prenatal honor roll? Sadly, no. It means that my placenta is ‘mature.’ Not in a, “Wow! Your child is so well behaved for his age,” mature, but rather, “We need to just keep an eye on the baby and make sure she is getting all the oxygen and nutrients she needs due to your aging placenta and its calcium deposits,” kind of mature. She suggested that I rest, eat well-balanced meals and sleep on my left side for optimal oxygen and nutritional health for the baby.

I smiled and nodded my head while she told me this information about my deteriorating, under-performing, rapidly aging gelatinous mass in my belly and plotted the quickest way home to my computer.

I didn’t even take off my sunglasses when I sat down and Googled: “grade 3 placentas.”

Not good. T.M.I., as my children would say. (Too Much Information)

According to the blogs, threads, Yahoo questions and other ‘mature placenta’ related topics, my baby was doomed. She was suffering, not getting enough oxygen, on the verge of low weight, lack of fetal development and at great risk for even scarier scenarios.

Let’s just say, I freaked out. For the entire weekend. I did kick counts. I laid on my left side until I had permanent pillow impressions on that side of my face. I filled up with antioxidant foods. I drove my poor husband nuts (he even called my sister to try to calm me). It all came down to one thing: protect my child.

Monday morning. 9 a.m. sharp. I phoned the OB/GYN office and thus began the process of trying to talk myself down from my cliff of placental despair. I talked with my sweet nurse again. I hunted down the ultrasound sonographer who had originally seen my calcified, mature, aging placenta and asked for her opinion. Then I patiently waited to see Dr. Carr. (Well, actually, there was nothing patient about it; we arrived 15 minutes early to my appointment.) Travis promised me (and held to his promise) that he wouldn’t reveal my weekend’s mental insanity to the doctor. That was my confession to share.

As always, Dr. Carr was terrific. She didn’t even laugh at me. She told me clearly and concisely all the reasons that my baby was doing well. She told me that she was zealously watching over my baby and would never to anything to put the baby at risk. She told me to stop obsessing over my placenta.

It’s amazing how priorities change when you have a child. My ankles are the size of my thighs. My legs are blue from the amount of varicose veins running down them. I can’t walk up a flight of stairs without panting, and if I have to sit down, I plan on staying there for quite awhile. But, I have a healthy baby who kicks and moves, and a placenta, which, like me, is aging and maturing.

Life, despite the curveballs and fears, is good.

What’s happening to baby this week?
*Baby now weighs approximately six-and-a-half pounds.
*The baby is acquiring important antibodies to protect her when she is born.
*For some women, baby descends into the pelvis (most common with first time moms). This will leave more room for breathing, but also create more trips to the bathroom as baby pushes on the bladder.

What’s happening with ME this week?
*I’m staying off the Internet…with much difficulty.
*My full body pillow (given as a gift from my mom) is a lifesaver.
*I am giddy with every kick, spin, turn and move of this little one.

Let’s hear from you!
How do you handle fears/worries during pregnancy?

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.
She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never.
A mother is something absolutely new.
–Rajneesh

“She looks like a monster from a horror movie,” declared my 10-year-old as he leaned towards the monitor for a better view. “You looked just like that,” I said to him. He stared at me for a moment and then said, “COOL!”

Sometimes I have these grandiose ideas of how certain life events are going to unfold. Introducing my four children to their little sister on an ultrasound monitor, for instance. In my mind’s cinematic eye, I pictured gentle sunlight and the sparkle of dust filtering through the ultrasound room, with four little faces intently watching with wonder and delight the first images of this new life on the screen. They would gasp quietly, amazed and awestruck, as emotional movie soundtrack music swelled and brought tears to the eyes of all onlookers.

Yep, that was GOING to be the way the ultrasound went.

In reality, my grand imaginative bubble was first burst by the elevator button; who was going to get to push the ‘up’ button? Obviously, amongst my ‘Lord of the Flies’ offspring, whomever reached the button first would push it. So, pushing (each other), shoving, arguing and mayhem ensued even before we made it through the hospital lobby.

Fortunately, the waiting room wasn’t a very long wait and we were all quickly ushered back to the ultrasound suite. Then, of course, came the jockeying for chairs, seating positions, viewing area, etc. The ‘Wait that was MY place…Mom, she stole my spot!…What does THIS button do?…Can I sit on your lap?” chaos that defines an outing with my children. I sighed, got everyone settled, and turned to look at the monitor.

It gets me every time: the realization that the eerie, ghostlike images on the screen are the bones and hair and face of my child. I catch my breath. The tears fall. I look around the room at the faces of the children who are no longer tethered to the inner mysteries of my body…and I still see the newborn beauty in all of them: My firstborn, almost 13, who still has the same baby mouth I memorized while nursing him (and wearily wondering if he would ever sleep through the night). My 10-year-old; whose eyes are still the color of a perfect Michigan blueberry, and who, just moments ago, made the ‘monster’ comment. My still downy-blond haired 8-year-old, who is not yet too old to sit on my lap and hug me like he did as a toddler. And the smooth broad canvas of my 6-year-old daughter’s forehead; the very spot that I inhaled and kissed and permanently etched into my mind’s eye as we rocked in her nursery so many years ago….

I looked back toward the screen filled with wonder and amazement and overwhelming love for this little person whom I was yet to meet.

My reverie on the blessing of this unknown child floating before me on the screen was broken by a voice asking, “Mom, when we leave, can I be the one to push the elevator button?”

Yes, my child…who was once the same undiscovered squirming ball of beauty as the child inside of me…you may.

What’s happening to baby this week?
*Baby now weighs almost six pounds. Baby’s weight gain slows down considerably this month, but will still gain around an ounce a day.
*Your cervix has begun to soften and thin out and your bones and ligaments have softened to make the passage for delivery easier on the baby.
*The placenta still provides the nutrients and oxygen the baby needs through the umbilical cord, which it the vital link between you and your baby.

What’s happening with ME this week?
*I am greatly relieved to see my active and strong baby in the ultrasound images.
*I learned that my placenta is at a grade 3 (mature stage) and my doctor ordered non-stress tests to monitor the baby.
*I am trying (unsuccessfully) not to worry about my grade 3 placenta.

Let’s hear from you!
How did you feel and what did you think the first time you saw your child on the ultrasound?